Sometimes blog posts don’t require much thought, just emotions. Forget about sentence structure, coherence, or even proper grammar and spelling. I am a true believer in conveying ideas through streams of consciousness; a person’s thoughts and conscious reactions to events perceived as a continuous flow. It’s raw and unedited. It’s genuine and transparent.  I love reading and more importantly, I love communicating via my own streams of consciousness because it’s easy for me, a person who is guilty of having diarrhea of the mouth. It gets me in trouble a lot of times but at least I’m being honest.

I am 100% a product of my past, more specifically the events that occurred during my childhood. They color my personality, influence my actions, and shape how I raise my kids. The other night I couldn’t sleep and so my stream went something like this:

what time did you leave?
did you pack a picture of me to put by your bedside?
or mark my birthday on your calendar just in case you forget?
we’re on our way to a strange new town now.
are you also traveling with a suitcase full of regret?
i’m sure you’re having fun exploring the world outside,
i just thought your world was here with us.
i hate sitting in the back of this station wagon facing backwards
because i don’t want to remember where i’ve been.
dropped us off, 3 out of 4.
there was no i’ll be back or i’ll call soon;
your key is in the ignition so you can make it to work the next day.
these nice folks look like you
they talk like you.
they feed me,
dress me,
and take me to school
but never once did i want to hold their hand.
and never once did they say it’ll be ok.
i’m not even sure what ok meant but it still would’ve been nice
to get some reassurance.
i’m you now in a way
but i decided to stay
i sometimes lay in their bed until i know they’re asleep
i don’t want the last thing they see is me leaving
it’s a one-eighty from what i remember
but i don’t see it any other way
because i’m never packing up a suitcase without them…

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